Absolution:: Be Hurt, Be Angry and Mourn

June 27, 2017

One of my greatest pet peeves is going back and doing something that I thought was already done. 

Have you ever been ankle-deep in Zørblaüt parts from Ikea with your Allen wrench when you realize you have a piece from step 2 upside down? That's my description of hell. 

When I get lost driving around (this happens A LOT) I refuse to just take a U-turn and head back to my mistake. It feels like failure. I would much rather keep winding around (adding 5 minutes to my travel) so I never have to officially admit defeat. 

Once I was on a mission trip and we were moving a pile of firewood . We were just about done when the director came out and told us that we were close, but he actually wanted it 5 feet from where we had placed it all. Never have I wanted a pillow to scream into so badly. 

Progress feels marked by starting new things, because we've successfully navigated past waters. Going back into our past feels regressive. We can feel like it negates the progress in so many areas of our life. 

But here's why that's not true. Life isn't linear. We don't move from one station to the next with all our neatly completed projects in the rearview mirror. There are lots of things in your past that you weren't equipped to face in the moment. Sometimes survival meant moving ahead because dealing with the insanity of the moment would have been debilitating.

Progress is going back to those places and using new tools to understand and heal.

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