Finding Fear:: Fear of Intimacy

This is the final message of our Finding Fear message series!

My youngest son is a real close talker. 

He has two favorite forms of communication currently. The first is "whispering" secrets in my ear. I put whispering in quotes because he is talking at a pretty high volume, just real close to my ear. The things he shares are utterly incomprehensible. I have learned the hard way not to say,"huh?" because it will only lead to greater volume even closer to my ear. Some lose their hearing to rock 'n roll, but mine will definitely be to secrets. 

His second favorite way of talking to me is while he grabs my face with both of his hands. These are easily the most intense conversations I have ever had in my life. It makes his statements about wanting a peanut butter and jelly sandwich feel like a life or death situation. Sometimes he even bites my nose, but it feels more like a product of proximity than malice. 

My son's aggressively close speaking style causes me to think about space. You may have never thought about it this way, but the area one inch away from your face is a boundary very few are ever allowed to cross. It's reserved for only the people incredible close and special to us and if anyone ever violates that boundary without invitation, it's traumatic. 

That one inch face boundary is a good representation of a one inch heart boundary most of us have. We don't let everyone close. We don't let everyone in. Often the thought of letting somebody get that close to us can cause us to feel panic or anxiety. It's the place where the most difficult wounds to recover from occur. 

We need these boundaries and we need to understand the cost of letting people close to our hearts, but sometimes fear jumps in the driver's seat and keeps everyone out.